Life isn’t easy; for a lack of a better word, life is a bitch. Depression can simply eat you from the inside out.
My journey took me from in the middle of my first semester of my Sr. Year of college to homelessness. There’s nobody to blame for my downward spiral but myself. This journey to rock bottom has also been an incredibly humbling experience as well.
It has taken me across country, where I got to visit some amazing sites; such as, Crater Lake, Mt. Hood, the Rocky Mountains, and deserts. It has also taken me to the psych ward, twice.
Me blaming myself for the journey isn’t exactly beating myself up (which is a symptom of depression), I’m simply taking accountability for my actions. I’ve hurt many people that I hold dearly in my heart, especially my grandmother and uncle. Although they have forgiven me, I may never forgive myself.
The journey also took me into an intensive mental health program, where I acquired the tools to help prevent depression from ever taking a firm grip of my life again; however, if it does return, it’s up to me to use the tools given to me. There’s no guarantee that apply such tools when depression punches me in the face.
My course of action will be signing up for a Peer Support Specialist certification class, sometime this week. This class will take place in August. What it will do is allow me to help others that are battling depression. The number one thing I’ve learned, for me at least, is when I’m helping others, I’m ultimately helping myself, with this battle.
It’s not an easy battle to have. The thoughts of suicide are scary thoughts. I don’t wish suicidal ideations on anybody.
Once I get established in my peer support role, I’ll finish my political science degree. I’m two semesters away. I’m far too close to the finish line to not finish it. It’s just going to take me longer than I anticipated two years ago.
I just need to get my life on track first, AND I WILL!